好需要。。。

怎么办呢？
最近都觉得有点怪怪的。。
突然觉得自己好孤独噢~ T_T

好需要爱情噢~
是太久没得到爱情的滋润吗？
突然好羡慕周围的朋友。。
大家都有了属于自己的另一半。。
我呢？

还需要多久呢？
真的很希望自己可以快点找到让我幸福的人。。
哎哟。。。惨了啦~
真的觉得自己失心疯了啦~
爱情快快来。。。
好需要你。。。 >3

3 Months

Fuuhhh... 3 months had gone without me noticing.

Well, lets see what had happened in this short 3 months.

Firstly, of course I did move out from my hostel into a new house nearby college. I did busy for 2 weeks just to move all my stuffs. By that time, I realised that I had hell lots of stuffs. x.x
Anyway, I decorated the room in my way to make me feel at home. I did spend quite a sum of money to make it happen but at least I was happy with the outcome. I couldn't really get myself adapted at the first night. Everything just felt so weird and awkward but I did survive the night and get some sleep. Thats all for the moving part.

Next, well, I had a roommate now. I really need time to accept the fact and adapt myself to a sharing environment. I would say that everything started quite good at the beginning though my 1st choice of bed and table had to be given out to my roommate. I felt abit sad yet just wanted to be nice, so I let him had them with reluctantly. Later on, I finally understood why they said that we'll get to know a person's true characters after you live together with them. Well, that's going to be a future story.

Furthermore, my studies were suck. They were falling apart like a falling puzzle. I tried to sort the problems out but I failed. I am seriously afraid that I would get an average result for this semester. But, I think I will give myself a try for a final shot before the exam. Class was doing good in general. Although there were some arguments, I still managed to hold my temper and did not let it escape to the surface for eruption. The stories in between will be told in its separated topics. Haha.. ^_^

Lastly, my relationship. Its complicated yet lonely but full with surprise. Actually I tried to make it sounds interesting because I myself need to comfort myself for that. Anyway, I would create a topic on my relationships. So, I guess that's all in general which had happened to me in past 3 months. What an exhausting yet exhilarating months!!!

Return

Its been a long time since my last blog.
A lot of things had happened to me.
There were happiness, sadness, glorious and frustration.

I am going to describe as details as possible in my following blogs about my life in this 3 months after I've moved into a new room.

Obsession

"Power and fame will make people obsess for them."
I have always tell my friends about this.

You will never know what the obsession for power and fame could do to a person.
The result is far from imaginable.
The hunger and thirst for the power will drive a person to be fully obsessed and possessed.

I have seen my friend in this state before.
Trust me, its horrible and terrible.
He did everything he could to achieve his goal in having the control over everything.
I could not trust and all the things he did was unbelievable for me as he used to be one of my best friends.

However, things had changed lately.
For all this time, I have been doing my best to resist the temptation.
Lastly, I succumbed to its demonic summon.
I have turned into one of them.
I felt ashamed of myself.
I felt very guilty to myself as I have pledged that I would never fall into the darkness of obsession.

Therefore, I am trying to pull myself out of the darkness.
The claws had hold themselves on me.
I must release myself before my consciousness being swollowed up by the devil.
I do not what will happen after this.
But, I am wishing for the best.

Be strong... ... ...

I was cheated?

Last two weeks,
I thought I have found someone that I could pour my love on him.
But, I think I am wrong. Everything is just my own misunderstanding.

Haha... think back again, I just realised how foolish I am.
Just because he called me "honey", just because he said he loved me, just because he was treating me so nice, the stupid me just blindly believe that he did really love me.

Maybe I am just a dumb fool. Whenever I encountered the truth, I will always be the loser.
The truth will just strike me with the force of an air blow and the impact will be my broken heart.

I felt hurt and disappointed. I am behaving like a young teenager who just fell in love with someone and found out that all of this is just his own idiot fantasy.

What is wrong with me?
Everything seems so wrong.
My academic performances started to deteriorate.
My friendships are falling apart.
Everything of mine is falling apart.

I felt like crying.
But, the tears just ain't going to stream down.
I heard once, when you are totally breakdown, you will not feel like crying because there are no tears from your heart as it has already dead.
I do believe that yet I did not experience the feeling before.

Finally, my tears are falling down.
Words do know how my feeling is.
But, they can never express it to others.

Betrayal?

I have been considering for a few days now.

Apparently, I am flirting with a girl that my friend likes so much.
So, it makes me feel like I am betraying him.
However, the girl shows no interest towards him.
Yet, he still does not give up.

In one hand, I felt like I had done something I should not.
But, in another hand, its not my fault. We are just fighting fair.

Nevertheless, I am afraid that my friend would know about this sooner or later.

Have I Let Go?

Let go?
Am I?

This question had puzzled me for awhile.
Did I really let go?

Honestly, I ,myself can't give a confirm answer.
I told myself that it's time for me to move on.
Yet, deep inside myself, I still keep a tiny trait of hope.
The hope of a light to bring me out from the current darkness which seems eternal.

I always thought that if I try hard enough, I will be able to change the fact and truth.
However, I failed myself.
The truth is no matter how hard I tried, I will never be able to make miracle happen.

Nevertheless, fate do like to tease people.
When I made up my mind to move forward, once again, hints being shown as if there is a U-turn for me.
I wanted to trust that I have the chance to make the U-turn.
But, no. It'll never happen for me.
The gap between us is huge.
Sometimes, I feel we are so close that we are meant for each other.
However, the reality is cruel and devastating.
My fantasy was destroyed by this powerful force.

Starting from that moment, I've realised that we were not meant for each other.
So, what is the persistent for a no ending relationship?

I really tried to let go.
But, it's never an easy task.
I'll keep on trying.
And there will be no more U-turn.
The best way to retain is friendship.
I think that is the most suitable relationship that should we establish rather than upgrade it to a higher level.

Please forgive my selfishness.
I know you never meant to have this ending.
Yet, I am exhausted.
I can't stand for any longer.
Forgive me for my weak.
Forgive me for letting myself collapse during the construction of our relationship.
I am sorry.