Stupid BIATCH!!! ~

I'm so damn angry today!
That stupid BIATCH better don't make up explode!!
If not, she'll die from my super eruption!!!

I'll still tolerate for the time being.
If the condition doesnt change, I can't promise that I won't explode!!!
Better watch out!!
Grrrr............ >.<

Accept the truth

Although its kind of heart aching, I still have to accept it.
I'm so taken away by the feeling that I've actually owned you.
But, today, someone had bring me back to the reality.
Now I realised that we never have really been together.
Its only my world of fantasy.
I accepted the truth but I somehow feel sad within.
Anyway, I know that I love you and that won't change.

想了又想

想了又想~
听了又听~
看了又看~

还是想不出一个答案。。。

mIss yOu o~ ^^

Haiz...
I felt so happy to be home.
Lastly I'm here lying on my warm bed.
But, I just can't stop from thinking of my honey.
How are you back at your hometown?
Are you happy? I'm sure you are.
Are you having fun? I'm sure you are too.

Well, I guess I'll be meeting you next week.
Can't wait to see you.
Love you so much~
*muackssss* ^^

mIss...inG + s@d...inG

Since the day you enter my circle of life,
I've started to depend on you.
You've become my inner strength.
As you leaving for your home sweet home,
I can't do anything about it but just to let you go.
I was surprised that you didn't even send me a message when you left.
I know your style, but I just can't stop of feeling sad.
I always think of my importance to you.
Am I an important person to you?
Or I'm just another stranger who pass by?
Who am I to you?
I really curious about this.
My heart just can't stop of thinking all these.
And my heart never stop from missing you.
I felt so regret that I couldn't watch the movie with you.

Tears stream down as I wrote this.
I don't know what's the meaning of these falling pearls.
Are they falling because I miss you?
Or they fall because I'm happy to go home?
Or its because of the uncertainty felt in my heart?
I don't have the answer.

Jealousy

Why people are inborn with the feeling of jealousy?
Does it plays any important role in our daily life?
Is there any contribution done by jealousy?

How I wish that I don't have the feeling of jealousy.
This feeling is driving me crazy.
I tried to control but I just hardly manage to brought it down.
The flame of jealousy just keep on eagerly fired up.
I felt like I'm the stupidiest person on Earth.
I don't know why I'll ever fall for a girl like her.

Now, I can understand why her boyfriend felt so insecure.
I starting to know that kind of feeling.
Whenever I saw her and other guys having some intimations,
my eyes are burning with the fire of jealousy.
And what was aching my heart even more is she likes to talk the good of other guys.
Not that I want to restrict her for her own rights, but its made me felt like I'm worthless.
Anyway, I've been doing my best to help her in anyway that I possibly could.
I'll just wish for a betterment after this.

School life

Well, frankly speaking, I felt damn bored in this college.

My life was just wandering around there.

Every morning I'll just wake up andgo to school.

Listen to somehow boring classes.

I felt terribly wrong.

Its not the life that I want.

I thought that my life here will be something exciting for me.

But I was wrong.

I felt like I'm just wasting my time here.

However, I've to get rid of that perception.

Since I've made up my mind to be here,

I've to move on with it.

I'll never break my own my principles.

Anyway, I think I'll find out some ways to make my life interesting.

And I know what are just the right things for me.

Exhaustion+Tiring

I felt so tired.
I've been busying with the work and assignments in college.
Plus, my social life was a bit unbalanced.
Well, what I mean by unbalance is wake up early in the morning (+/- 6am) and I sleep also early in the morning (+/- 3am).
So, what am I expecting?
I think my body started to give out warning signals.
I think I must change. But, how?
Anyway, I will always try to maintain my mental and physical strength.

You said it

Finally, the words that I'm scared of had come out one by one from your mouth.
You said you felt huge stress and pressure when with me.
You afraid that I'll hate you because you're not of my standard.
But, I'm going to tell you that you are wrong.
I'm the one felt that I'm not suitable for you.
I'm scared that my intelligence will become the obstacle which preventing us from being together.
And it did happened to be so.
I knew that you had set your own goal to achieve before agreeing to be with me.
I understood your self-demand but please let me help you.
Let us work together for our future.
I knew you didn't like when I talked about guys and looked at them.
Actually, I've been doing all of these is just to get your attention.
I don't want your attention to focus on other guys.
I surely do like guys but I've promised you that I'll change myself.
Then I'll keep my word. My heart had already being occupied by you.
There is no place left for other person.
I hoped you can trust me on this.
I'm trying my best to resist the temptation.
I admit that I really have the urge to kiss when i saw the juicy lips.
But, I just said it. I've never done it in front of you and not even back.
Just trust me baby...
I really need that...

A big crack? A U-turn?

What am I going to do now?
My social life has some crack appearing.
Will all the things fall apart?
I'm so worry.
Is there a U-turn for me to make things better?
My mind is getting congested with problems and troubles.
I scare that I'll make myself go loose.
Just give me any bright solutions in the dream...

I don't have patience?

Well, I'm not sure whatever you've told me.
And I don't think that everything you've said about me is true.
I didn't have patience? Are you sure?
I think I've the most patience I can give you.
Within this two months time, did I ever demand you for anything?
I've never demand you for anything.
All I asked from you is just to study harder for your own sake.
Have I ever told you that I'm veery jealous when you're close with other guys?
No, I've never stop you from doing anything that you want.
Whoever you want to make friends with, I've nothing to say.
That's your own freedom.
But, deep in my heart, I've become a tank full with jealousy.
What can I do? I can do nothing.

If I don't have the patience, you will be dead by now.
If I don't have the patience, I won't be talking with you now.
If I don't have the patience, I won't waste my time on you even one more second.
If I don't have the patience, I won't love you anymore.

So, you still think that I don't have patience?
You better think twice.
My heart and soul will only be given to those who appreciate them.
So, don't try me.
Once I've made up my mind to leave you,
you won't get me back.
Not even with a Ferrari.
You better understand my words.

Availablity

I've confirmed the question that puzzled within me for quite a time.
Now you are available.
I know you didn't do it just because of me.
But, I'm very happy because your status are clear now.
I know that you don't want others to know about this.
So, I'll respect your wish.
I'm very happy and thank you for telling me this.
Love you... ^^

Flame of love

Is the flame growing or dying?
I don't know.
I tried to maintain the flame.
But, it seems to slowly dying out.
What should I do?
I really hope that I can find a way to rejuvenate the flame.
The reason for the dying flame I think most probably is because I couldn't find the similarity of thought between us.
You have your own points of view and I have my own which are totally none in similarity.
I've been thinking hard about our future of being together.
Will our realtionship stand long?
I have no answer for that.
Sometimes, I even have the thought of giving up.
The flame, its obviously is dying.
And the rate of dying is getting faster and faster.
I hope you really have the thought of being together.
I don't think I will have the enough patience and strength to hold for any much longer.
The temptations of other are getting greater within me.
You can just told me if you prefer to do anything.
Please consider this matter seriously.
I don't want to linger around without directions.
To be frank, I don't want to waste my time on hopeless relationship.
I had bad experiences on this matter.
I used to wait a girl for 3 years but I got nothing at the end.
The pain and torturing emotions during the period are excruciating.
I absolutely don't want to be in that situation again.
I'm begging you for the one last time.
Just give me the hope and courages for me to keep the flame alight.
I couldn't guarantee that the flame won't go off.
It might survive or just vanish into the thin air.
The time waits for no one.
The clock is ticking and I need you answer.
So... consideration has to take place now.
And final decision has to be made in a short period.

I'm waiting...
Waiting for the final answer...
Whether it demands for my extinction or existance...

Two months...

I've left home for two months.
Though it seems not long ago from the day I left.
Times past so swift that I didn't even realise.
I seldom brought up the matter of missing home.
However, deep in my heart, I missed my home so much.
Its been a long time I didn't see their faces.
I missed my dad and my mum.
and I missed my sister so much.
I could always listen to their voices but couldn't see their faces.
Sometime, I felt so lonely here.
I want to be at home so eagerly.
I wished I can be at home.
But. I knew that I'm here for my dream.
I've to do my best to prove that I've made the right choice.
But, I missed my home so much.
And all of my friends back in my hometown.
I can't go back very frequently as the tickets back to my hometown quite expensive.
I didn't know how are they now.
Are they good? Are they having problems?
Sometimes, words just can't express the emotions.
How I wished I can be backed at home now...

Frustration and disappointment

I felt much frustrated and disappointed.
I tried my best to assist you.
But, you seem not to be giving co-operation.
I don't know whether its my problem or yours.
If you think that I'm not good enough for you,
then just tell me.
I'll stop everything.
If you prefer somebody else to teach you,
then just say it to me.
I don't mind who you learnt from.
What I care about is you did learn something.
I don't want you to waste your precious time and money.
Not your money, but your parents hard earned money.
I really hoped you can concentrate more on your studies rather than just wandering around and live your life.
I know that maybe I'm harsh to you.
But, I really wish you do understand my purpose of saying those words.
I really want you to at least make your parents proud of you.
Honey, I really don't know what else should I do to help you.
I'm puzzled. I wanted to help but I just don't know how.
I wanted to teach you but you seem not interested.
I can't help you if you don't help yourself first.
I'm not demanding you to be a very clever person.
I'm just hope that you learned from what you have invested your money and time in this course.
Not to say fully 100%, but at least 20%...

Honey, I always by your side whenever you need me...

Huge upset and furious

I'm so upset and furious.
I'm very very furious.
What is wrong with you?
What's the matter with you?
I don't understand at all.
At first, you ask me to make decision on which side to choose.
Then, I gave the answer.
But, you said you didn't believe the answer that I gave.
So, what does this mean?
I've gave you the answer but you did't believe it.
So, why did you ask me for the answer?
It'ld be better if you just made the decision yourself.
You think that I've made up my mind so easily?
I've to sacrifice the thing that I've been doing for years.
And why should I? I did it all just because of you.
But, you didn't appreciate it.
Even you said that it'ld be impossible for me!
What I need from you is just support.
I can't do this alone. I'll need your support to lead me through this obstacle.
But, you really made me disappointed.
I felt so frustrated with you been treating me like this.
I hated it! I felt so terrible!
Why is it so hard to understand me?
Is the gap so huge between me and you?
My mind is crowded with thousands of questions now.
What should I do with you now?

Decision

Yesterday my loved one had given me a very tough question and huge decision to make.
Now, how should I decide?
This will definitely a serious thoght of me as it involve the rest of my life.
But, I think I have the sufficient wisdom for me to make a wise decision.

Stressful week

Starting this week
it'll be very stressful
as my first mid-term test is just around the corner
I'll be having a french test today
Hopefully I can pass well

I think I've to plan my schedule for the following weeks
with extra concern as not to neglect entertainment and studies
So I think less on entertainment and more on studies
will be a certain one
As long as I can perform well
Then I've no regret to go back my hometown for Hari Raya
except for one thing...
I'll have to separate with my lovely wife for a week... xp